The Coffee Chronicles

Mountains from molehills.

That what my friend and team partner has said about today's upcoming Clash of the Slide Rules. Not that we're not excited about our chance to support our school, mind you; we don't shrink from healthly competition, nor do we lack for pride in our beloved - and much-maligned - alma mater. It's not at all that we're doubtful of our chances in such a competition; quite the contrary, in fact - I mean, we've told ten whole people about it, and I think three of them will actually be there. Very, very exciting. No, the cynical commentary that hangs over today's event like a gray overcast has nothing at all to do with the sports contest itself, but rather the media hype that seems to be brewing as a result.

A few months ago, HBO's Real Sports did a short profile on the Cooper Union Basketball team, existing as it does in such an unlikely place: a school known more for the professional and academic performance of its graduates than the athletic prowess of its students, lacking not only the facilities for teams to pratctice and play in but also any substantial budget to fund them. As such an unlikely player in the field of college sports, the team - and the entire athletic program - attracted a fair bit of attention. This significant boost in exposure was due as much to the nature of the program as to the vigorous proselytizing of the modern program's founder and director, Dean Steve Baker. Surprised as most alumni were by the appearance of our school in prime-time, we found the exposure welcome and deserved, no doubt - especially those of us who had played varsity sports during the fledgling years of the program, those of us who had been witness to - and drawn to - Dean Baker's infectious energy. Pioneers, indeed.

This media attention did not make me think of Big Ten schools, Bowl season, of college sports in general; there was no comparison, and no need to make one. Cooper Union, I had thought, was a ripple in a storm-tossed waters of college sports. We were a speck on the NCAA's horizon, belonging as we have to a completely different - and small time - competitive league, the Hudson Valley Athetic Conference. Now, with the incipient Caltech tournament coming up, the ante was being upped. Apparently, CBS's 60 Minutes will be in attendance at the game. Hearing this, I was all of a sudden seeing things from the other side. Said my friend in an email earlier today:


So ran the email I received this morning. It would appear that things are a little strange, to say the least - here are two great schools, going head-to-head in a classic test of will, at the center of a swarm of attention usually reserved for and expected in a distinctly different type of situation. I, for one, am torn by the apparent dichotomy: "what the hell are we doing?" vs. "why can't we get some well-deserved attention for unusual accomplishments?" After all, it's still a mystery to me, even after playing two seasons of soccer in college, where Cooper students - and Tech students, for that matter - find the time to practice and play, no less the reserved energy to do so. Unusual accomplishments, indeed. Perhaps I should simply shut my mouth, still my fingers, and let the clash continue with a healthy dichotomy to lead the way. See you at the game; I'll be the one mouthing "Hi, Mom," into the camera.

Battle of the dorks.

There's going to be an old-school throwdown in Pasadena tomorrow night, forged in the timeless spirit of those rumbles of old: George vs. Saddam, Tony vs. Bernardo, George vs. Saddam (redux), Rocky vs. Apollo Creed. The earth will shake, the heavens will weep, and the foundations of higher education will be shaken. This Friday, the old alma mater goes up against the hard pipe-hittin' geekmeisters at Caltech. Starting at 5pm at the Braun Athletic Center at Tech, it should be a real Clash of the Titans - intellectually speaking, that is. For those of you who don't know about the legend of The Cooper Union, please see this post, which not only contains the essentials on our fair little school but will also lead the avid reader on a lovely journey in its own right. Needless to say, the quality of the athetic talent at Cooper can be summed up by a paraphrase of everyone's favorite Dean of Athletics, Stephen Baker: "Our basketball team has the highest SAT score in the league." Well, at least those numbers are high. But don't doubt his authority; for the last 23 years or so, Baker has singlehandedly hosted the "World's Largest International Ski Party." Enough said, I think.

Anyway, it should be great. If you're a Cooper alumnus, and you're in Southern California: for pete's sake, come out and support the team. C'mon, do it for pete.

Searching for my purpose.

There is this nagging sense in my head, right behind my left ear. It's ticklish, but persistent and therefore annoying. It says that I've got to start thinking constructively here, lest this collection of randomly linked thoughts will soon be no more than a personal spill of meaningless blather. Well, I suppose one could philosophically argue that becoming true "meaningless blather" is, too, a purpose of sorts. Very Jean-Paul Sartre. But no, I don't think I would cop out even under the convincing guise of nihilism. Nihilists, it should be pointed out, are rather boring people:


...and that's about it. So it befalls me, the harried creator of this blog, that I should find some meaningful purpose, some venue of expression, to bring this prattle into line with all the excellent public blogs and online intellectual communities I've been perusing over the last few weeks. As you can see, work has been busy. So I put the challenge to myself, to my readers - both of you - and to the enduring and omnipresent spirit of the online community:

What should become of this blog?

One may be reminded at this point of the Far Side comic episode entitled, "Edgar Finds His Purpose." Just so you know, he found it in his couch. Kinda like the television remote, no?

Allow me to pluck my head from my butt.

Why do I keep doing that? Perhaps I'm just bored, but I'm not sure it's that simple. I think it's my nature to be manic in this way; ranting and raving, waving my hands wildly about, rushing to and fro all over the internet in an effort to get folks to listen to me. What a sorehead - stop me before I rant again.

At any rate, Blogger is currently kicking me squarely in the shins, turning my tidy little blog world on its literary ear. My archived pages are rapidly becoming a faint memory, and there seems to be no-one home at the help desk. That is, no-one's home for non-paying customers like little ol' me. Ah, well; such is the fate of internet service grifters - eventually people start charging for the good stuff. Oh, I could submit a question to the new BloggerControl system, known as "pBrain" - but as the disclaimer says,


Okay, I'm taking this out of context, but you get the general idea. Is anyone else experiencing this sort of frustration? I would imagine it's a real kick in the rear, especially since the old user forums at Blogger have mysteriously disappeared. Well, until the folks at Blogger get their new help system in gear, there's a new Yahoo! user group that might be of some aid. As Blogger says, it's currently unsupported - but it's better than nothing.

I've also been noticing that my commenting system is refrigerator-molasses-slow. Sorry about that - but keep the feedback coming, as it lights a fire under my creative ass. I should add a quick aside here, to mention the experience of continuing surprise whenever I learn someone's been reading this blog. It's an undeniably ticklish excitement - somewhat akin to actual glee, really - that accompanies such a realization. Like returning to an old, reliable journal, only to notice that someone's been thumbing through it - I'm shocked, but not dismayed. Almost as if I've left it out, open, on purpose...I'll also sheepishly add, for history's sake, that I've always written my journal entires as if someone, someday, would be reading them. It's the curse of the writer's ego, perhaps; a narcissistic conceit writ large. At any rate, thanks for playing along.

You think I'm a what?

In this era of internet spam, I've trained myself to instinctively shrug off unsolicited email, to the point that the mere thought of an unrecognized "From:" address will cause a spasmodic jab at the delete button. That said, I nevertheless allowed myself to entertain a "personality test" chain letter that passed through my inbox this afternoon - coming, as it did, from family and the trusted circle of confidence I cherish. No Trojan horse viruses leaped out at me when I opened it, so I was encouraged to read it through. That,as you might have guessed, was my first mistake.

It's been a long time time since I suffered the neuroses of an insecure youth, troubled by a spotty self-image and buffeted by the winds of puberty. Smarter, better-behaved, less athletically inclined than the average - you know the type; I was a pariah. There was a stretch of time there when I was known, clinically, as a "basketcase." Well, it got to be a real drag, and after a particularly long stretch of time at the mercy of my own paranoia, I figured, "enough is enough." It's no surprise, perhaps, to learn that I've gone inverted in my outward persona, traitorous to the point of thumbing my nose at my own history of poor self-esteem - really, who needs the aggravation? It would seem that I was able, after a fashion, to accomplish what no amount of childhood therapy could ever hope to achieve - namely, a re-calibration of my mental compass and the triumph of self-reliance over neurosis.

All my self-important blather aside, my history lends itself to this discussion for a simple reason: the opinions of others has become far too important in the formation of our self-image. In the most ready example of this fact, I offer the aforementioned personality test. Touted by its own press with the endorsement, "...Dr. Phil gave this test on Oprah she got a 38 [sic]," the test claimed to rank your personality with a multiple-choice format. It was, of course, a simple variation on the old "extrovert vs. introvert" question that everyone eventually faces. Type A, Type B, outgoing, sheepish; bah, what's the difference? With its poorly constructed questions and questionable presentation - "Take this test for yourself and send it to your friends...let them know who you are..." - ideas like this only serve to play to our weaknesses and undermine an already endemic lack of self-esteem in our society. Finally, and most troubling - when the scoring methodology of this test advises "Others see you as...", we can already see what the problem is: who cares how others see us? It's yet another in a long series of vain efforts to provide individuals with the magical power to see through someone else's eyes. Hel-lo, people - it's a question of perspective: one brain, one perception. Anyone still listening? From a certain philosophical point-of-view, the view through someone else's eyes might not even exist. So, why bother? Let's be healthy, confident, and reasonable.

By the way, I took the damn personality test; but if you think I'm gonna tell you my score, you're bananas. Needless to say, I got all the right answers - and I didn't even study.

What's going on around here?

Perhaps it's just me - and my legendary lack of patience when it comes to technology - but it seems like the entire internet has slowed to a crawl. Last night the cable internet connection decided to eat itself, and that was only the beginning. Is someone out there, spoofing my IP address? Please, mister, don't send me a virus. It's just as well, you know: when I sped readily past the 5 freeway interchange this morning, I should've known that there'd be traffic somewhere. Is anyone else tiptoeing painfully up the superhighway this morning? Again, perhaps it's just me.

It's really the darndest thing, you know. I arrived at work today thinking, "Hmm; I'll have to get my blog updated before lunch," blah blah blah. Sure, there were some thoughts about action items of national importance and the tasks I actually get paid for, but they were somehow secondary - what a shock. You'll notice handily that I don't usually update the Chronicles over the weekend - I've noticed this myself, and think it rather funny. It's almost like I consider it work. And in that vein, it's only a matter of time, really, before I begin to publish a blog to complain about how much work it has become to publish this blog. It's the ultimate irony, of course: the grass is always greener, they say, on the other side of the job description.

And while I'm on the subject, can you believe what some people get paid to do? I'm not talking about the obvious, of course - video game beta testers, mattress sleep volunteers, and me, for example. Rather, it's security officials and arms inspectors of the world that strike me. I mean, what salary would YOU settle for? And who could possibly pay you? At this point, it would seem salient to include a world crisis update, for those who have been waiting: apparently North Korea admitted over the weekend that in addition to having concealed a top-secret nuclear weapons development program for several years, they'd like the world to know that they now have an actual nuclear weapon. Are we supposed to be impressed? "Oh, look - North Korea's weapons program worked out well. Gosh, how nice."